I had an appointment with my doctor the other day. I meet with her once a month where she helps to loosen some tight muscles in my back and neck. Her technique is called, Osteopathic Manipulative Treatment (OMT). "There are a variety of OMT techniques. With these techniques, manual force is applied to the problem area(s) of the body in order to treat structural abnormalities. The physician then applies specific corrective forces to relief joint restrictions and misalignment's." ( http://www.prevea.com/Medical-Services/Integrative-Medicine/) Since she has to move my body and apply resistance as I push back on her so my muscles loosen up and other "things" go back to where they're suppose to, she has come to know how much my body has changed over the last year or two. The last few sessions she has made comments about the increase in flexibility and being able to move my body around a lot easier. Today she commented again about my progress. I told her my chronic back pain is my motivator. She said that doesn't always keep people going. I explained how I don't ever want to have the fear of my back going out again, and that I don't want to feel like I am so much older than I really am. I don't understand why people would rather give up and live with such horrible pain. She said that I should be on a billboard. I had to laugh. But really...if I were on a billboard for this, what would it say? What would it look like? If you had to sell something you did well, what would it be? Would it be good enough to affect people? It really got me thinking. Take some time. Thinking about your billboard. Seriously, what would yours say? I told my boyfriend about this. I ended up saying that I'd rather be a poster at the Y. But for kicks, here's my billboard:
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I rarely share my poetry. It is very personal to me and usually written when my heart is broken. Recently, I've been chatting with someone about her break up, steps of moving forward, and healing. As I've talked with her, I've shared some of my own wisdom with her. This woman hasn't started to date again. I can recall a time in my life when I eased my way out there into the dating world when I thought I never would be needing to again. This poem was written the night I went on my first real date after a good year had past since the end of a significant relationship. A vaguely remember breaking down in my car once I pulled into the driveway after the date. This poem is the result of the emotion that was built up inside. It took several months beyond this spot in my life to open myself to someone where I wasn't looking back at "what was" anymore. Every step was necessary and taught me something. Please know that I write very symbolically in this poem. My ex-boyfriend did not die, but when we broke up the future we/I had planned, our relationship, and him in my life were deaths. I mourned all of them and many other things for over a year. Please know, that I've always been blessed with a deep faith, strong family, and beautiful friends that all helped be through that very hard time. I am proud of the woman I am today and continue to grow into. Grave Site by Amy Koehler (6/25/11) My heart cries for you in the agony of trying to find another A future that’s bittersweet drowned by the past One step forward, two steps back Reminders of you linger You are never too far away Haunted by then – what was I come visit your grave site and tears of sadness and loss erupt as your death still stings my heart while yours stopped beating for me a lifetime ago Kisses of empty passion A new hand to hold from eyes of a stranger You aren’t there A heart thrown into limbo No longer rests in yours nor anyone else’s My flowers are never brought There’s nothing to celebrate Good memories are lost not cherished A fire burns around the pathetic ground I walk on Leaving new ashes that just sit there There’s a stench of decay For my brokenness remains in the depth of despair I knew, but I didn’t know how ugly this grief was going to be No one has pulled me out and away from the grave site Lack of understanding and the dread of pity leave words unsaid and mourning private Will there be a new love that understands where I’ve been where I am and where I want to go In the midst of it all, will they see me as beautiful even if my heart still cries for a pastime ago I feel so misunderstood fighting with a scene I don’t like It’s not so easy to find where my heart can rest Nothing is for certain; nothing is safe Wish someone was worthy enough to even be given glimpses of my beautiful heart Slow down, speed up, try harder, you deserve better Don’t look and you will find Be you A mess of confusion that makes no sense Too much and yet not enough decent options Brings me back to you Your absence is fatally permanent while the reality of what was is stable I know well the path of what no longer exists Maybe someday it will join in and disappear into another’s And visiting your grave site will be no more Song: "Blessings," by Laura Story I can't believe how poor the choices are for large chested women when it comes to sports bras. I am going to be very clear and blunt here. We need sports bras that are going to keep our breasts from created the horrible "uni-boob." In other words, they needs to be separated the entire time we are active. This is where major fabric comes in (which I haven't come across yet) or underwires SAVE the day! HOWEVER, there is little to no choices of these in the stores. If they have an option, they usually are very poorly made. The bra also needs to keep us in place with little bouncing. For some bouncing may not be a problem, but it actually can be painful if this isn't under control. The sizing of the bra needs to be correct as well. When you add in an underwire, if it's too tight or too big, it can also cause pain when working out. I am still very sad to see my go-to Champion underwire sports bar days end. I am now in search of a new sports bra. I have spent many hours doing research. I call it reseach, because that is what it has become. Amazon. Fitness companies. Reading reviews. Going back and forth. It only takes a minute or two to scan actual stores to know if it's even worth trying anything on, which it usually isn't. While I am in the process of trying to find something new, I am wearing ill proper fitting sports bras, which makes some of my workouts uncomfortable. I need to figure this out. Doubling and tripling up on the cheapy, no-support ones still will not solve all the problems as some have suggested doing. So, here are some of the bras I've found tonight. I'm not sure if this will help any of you out or if you will have any advice for me. I'm always ready to pay the higher price for these bras. They usually last the full length I wear them and beyond. Comfort is my #1 concern, especially as I am in my personal training sessions. The Juno Racerback Sports Bra by Moving Comfort - the 2013 Women's Health Fitness Award Winner (no underwire) Champion's Underwire Bras - reviews said they tend to run small, but they liked them. These styles replaced my favorite. I ordered the first one a long time ago and hated it. It did run very small. I'd be willing to try the other two. Lane Bryant Sport by Cacique Convertible Underwire (runs small around rib cage for normal bra size). I have one. I need to tighten the straps, but can't. I will need to try to cross them, which I didn't think of until I watched the video on their website.
Tonight I made a weight loss goal. That's right a WEIGHT LOSS GOAL! You read correctly! I haven't focused so much on my weight loss, although I do monitor it regularly keeping a close eye on it weekly. It is important that I am losing weight, but it usual is not my focus. I do want being fit and healthy to remain my overall focus as I work on this goal. However, I do believe I should be losing regularly at a faster rate. I should not be yo-yoing back and forth between losing and gaining weight because of good and then poor eating habits (a binge of craptastic foods while eating good foods). So, this entire summer of losing and gaining the same 5 pounds is over! IT'S OVER! It was over last week. Tonight I was driving home thinking more about this. My friend, JR, came to my mind also. She made a healthy goal for 100 days yesterday! Maybe I should set a goal, too! I started thinking long term. When should I have all my weight off by? Hmm...that goal is too big...then this whole fit thing would become all about losing weight. Think smaller. So, I thought smaller. I thought about what my next big weight loss milestone would be - 20 pounds - and when it could be achievable. Could I achieve it by the end of the year? I do believe it is possible, BUT I do need to stay on top of my healthy eating and exercise. Eating clean really makes the biggest difference. Here is my goal for the world to know: To lose 20 pounds by January 2015. Right now I am about 44% of the way towards my weight loss goal. Twenty more pounds would be 60%. I will keep you updated with my progress along the way. Keep me in your prayers as I fast OFTEN from desserts and a lot from foods that most people eat. I'm fortunate to live this lifestyle for a while now, and I pretty much see it as a way of life. However, it still is very hard a times. I still have fighting moments within me where I just want to cry like a 2-year-old, because I didn't get my dessert for the day or meal. It is a serious defeat, my friends, when I consistently pass up Dairy Queen and Culver's (one just opened up 5 minutes from my house...for the love of God...have mercy!). I probably did this 3-4 times last week! Also, eating clean is eating foods that do not have preservatives in them. I should be eating organic foods/grass fed beef all the way, which I haven't switched over to yet. Someday I want to. However, eating healthy takes careful planning, dedication, and will power. In the end, I feel better and I see better results on the scale! So, join me for this wild ride of 20 pounds by January. I should ideally be losing 1.6 pounds a week. Everything always gets more exciting when there are goals. Here's to 114 days, to hard work, to sacrifice, to myself, to my future, and to the better version of me to come! ~Thank you in advance for all your support!~ |
So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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