June 5, 2016
A letter written to my personal trainer. I share this for those that have travelled this road and for those who will travel this road. I was 10 pounds from my weight goal last time. I never made it. My body was an average weight. It wasn't toned. I didn't eat as healthy as I know how to eat today. I didn't exercise regularly. This time it is different, because I am doing everything different. BUT, some things always remain the same. Dear Tyler, As I sit here and think about what to call this, the same thought came to mind as it did in the past as I wrote about losing weight. So much about weight loss is a battlefield. I fight with myself. I fight with outside influences. Some moments are winning moments while others are losing. There are many "new days" of starting over. This time is different than the last time I lost weight. I am stronger and healthier, but that doesn't mean I've been able to escape the fear that comes towards the end. Some say maintaining is harder than losing. When you get in the groove of losing, it isn't hard, it really isn't. Of course staying on track has to be something someone really wants to do. But to finally reach your goal and each and everyday is a choice to stay close to it or not, is hard. It is so easy to let one thing go and then another and then another. Before you know it 5-10 pounds are added back on. I can't even begin to tell you how easy it was to add all my weight back on and then some. I can cry over this when I think about it. In a messed up way, I've come to figure out that it feels safer not being there - at goal weight; at maintenance. Being where "normal is" feels safer. It's crazy how this looks. It's almost like I am the unruly, disobedient child who isn't getting caught. "How much can I get away with before it affects the scale?" This means eating way more desserts in a day than I ever would and maybe some crappy snack food once in a while. So, now I haven't gotten on the scale in a while. :( It is a fear that the end is near. Our identity doesn't lie in our body, but ask any over weight person and they'll tell you how much they've come to see so much of who they are as an overweight person....especially for women. It may not define them, but it's a part of them. So much of being overweight affects our lives, especially when you're single and dating within that time. Although it may sound crazy, staying in the "normal," feels better. I've been here so long...so much of my life. It's that way even if some of that "normal" isn't so good. But this is what I know: Being smarter about how I'm losing weight this time will help me to be more successful long-term. I have better support this time. Although I need to make sure my supports are clear on what I need for support, especially in maintenance. I know what works well. I need to set goals AND set up accountability. Lastly, it just becomes go time...with the fear pushing aside weakness. Someday, Tyler, my weight will not be a part of my identity! "If I am going to win the fight of my life, I can't be afraid to fight." I need to operate out of my imagination, not my memory. I love these videos...check them out...they tell you how it is. A kick in the behind to go make a difference and become the better version of yourself that you were created to be. At least that's what I feel when I watch them. Thanks for listening. I thought I would share this latest battle I need to overcome. I think it's always tougher when it's our self we're fighting with.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About MeIn May 2013 I got serious about perusing a fit, healthy life. Since then everything has changed! Archives
August 2017
Categories |